To Oblivion I guess

There the other kids are swimming and having a good time.
I'm jealous, I wish that was me.
I eventually make it out to where they were.
I thought I struggled the whole way.
And I did. It was hard.
Moving through the water feel myself take in gulp of
Air and water.
I didn't like it.
Why am I doing this?
Oh yeah to be with my friends.
Chasing them, trying to keep up and play with them.
I do badly want to fit in with them.
I do almost anything to make them laugh at me.
Or try to be noticed.
Nothing seemed to work.
Finally, I'm there.
For a few minutes and they, all decided to go to shore and eat.
Leaving me by myself. Tied, scared and worried.
Last thing in remembers drifting down.
The first thing I remember was coughing thinking great. . .
I regretted that moment in my life.
Chasing after people because I wanted to be accepted by
People I thought were my friends.
People I thought are cool and how I wish I was liked
They were.
Sigh, sadly I know.
Most of my life I was always doing that. Always chasing
People I admire.
I seem to always be in this same cycle.
Do it till I get hurt.
Do it till no one is left.
No one is left. Well, there is me.
Do you get me? Do you understand that I have lots to be sad
And upset about.
I've done so many things. But since I got sick
This last time, I lost something.
I lost that person I was and became this.
This person I see in the mirror,
Tired unfamiliar person trying to guess what I need
And like.
But I feel so indecisive at times.
What is me?
I fight trying every step like it's between life and death.
It's not, it just going out to see a movie.
My scope is skewed I guess.
Where do I go from here?
I don't know.
To Oblivion I guess.

Oct 25/13

My Sad Tears

Drifting in the cold breeze.
Sad faces.
Sad tears.
Heart yearning.
Nightmares are the dreams.
Closes my eyes escape.
Escape into the darkness
Of my dreams.
Never seeing the light.
Never touching the warmth
Of love.
Never.
Sad good byes.
Good byes
Good.
Bye.

Oct 01/13






Quae Nocent Docent.. . .