by the mer idea

The sounds of laughter fill these halls that I have in my mind.
Echo's of a time I can't recall really. Where was I lost in a web of perplexities.
Love, friends, family, these things are what we call foundation of character of a person.
Reach for those star that linger above. It maybe our only escape or survival.
Rushes, flashes, burst of emotional chaos, The soul urched and beseeche by its own
reality.
We are what we are trapped by the a Network of false communities and Corporate lies.
We are trapped by the mer idea. . .

Sept 30/10

This Idea is You

This Idea is You

The idea of this woman is mere fiction,
Yet when she enters the room you't can't
help yourself but to look at her and all her
heavenly charms.
She oozes seduction like perfume.
And that dark hair, and those blue
eyes filled with the longing of a touch.
She came close to me and I felt a
certain hunger, and when we spoke,
she was charming and intelligent.
What a amazing creature that walks
among us.
But as quickly as she came she was
gone!
Leaving the idea of her fresh in my thoughts
And now in these lines she will be
immortal.
Forever in time. . .

June 5/98

I listen to you scream

I listen to you scream
Through the bedroom door
"don't leave me,
Don't leave me,"
I can't see you
I can only feel
You.
As I try to hide
This
Pain. . .

Feb. /98


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Sometimes I See

Sometimes I see a
Glimpse
Of something great,
But
It just turns out
To be
Shit!

April 12/98



- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

I've been living

I've been living
With my eyes
Open for a long
Time and I
Haven't seen anything
New . . .

April 15/98


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Will you

Will you Fuck me with your
body of fire until the still
sea in me thaws or fracture?
Will you hold me until the mad
screams inside my brain are gone or at peace for a time.

Will you my love
Will you indeed
Will you please
will you. . .

Goodbye

Goodbye

I'm breaking out. Breaking out of my prison. But oh this place it has memories.

Memories to be cherished. Do you remember our first christmas here? And everday

when you would come home, you know I looked forward to seeing you walk in the

door. All the feelings and the moments I hold so dear, they did not go with

you when you walked out the door this morning. I sit here and cry one tear after

another not sure where my future lies or whats in store. But I do know that

I miss you and I love you now and forever. This hurt it goes down to the core

and the lonliness , I dont know if it will go away ever. But you said one day

you will be back to bring me with you. To bring me to play in the hot sun and

dance under the stars of the desert. I know there are no promises made. But

I will be dreaming of us holding hands by catcuses made of jade and I know that

that man in the moon will be smiling down on us then. 

woman skin

woman skin

woman skin

is for finger dancers,

for lovers hands...

scented sweet,

smooth to touch,

kisses to be hung there,

pictures on a lovers walls,

pleasure in ooze form,

like slow honey,

on the morning after,

when sunlight reminds

of the passions

wrapped inside....

hmmmm woman skin..

Every Dream Dreamt By Us

Every Dream Dreamt By Us   

And if we look to tomorrow we shall see the

distant horizon with the setting sun.

All glorious wonder fills the senses with pleasure

unbound by this moment shared between two souls.

The hours that are silent between us are not silent

at all, but full of mystery of moments yet to come.

If you must wait a life time to see, than it shall be worth

the sight that is to come.

And if you wait a life time to love, it shall be more beautiful

that any dream ever dreamt by your sleeping eyes.

It was there in the distant that a heart did yearn.

Yearning for the one that they love

Aug27/97

What It Must Feel

What It Must Feel

Racing and laughing along the river
carrying a smile in you right pocket
and the simple first kiss in your heart.
What frantic fury comes raising out of you.
The light of the moon our simple silent guild
inches to what freedom must feel like?
Closeness so painful that it hurts.
Hours hidden in rubble waiting. Just waiting
for the moment for escape.
When I stop and think about the run by the river
I can't but help to wonder. Was I laughing
or was I crying in fear?
Everything seems so confused.
What do you do?
Where can you go?
I don't know.
this is the life I only know. . .


By Connor Coutu
Oct 11/04

Copyrighted By @HalfBaked Publishing

Because I Feared

Because I Feared

In the doorway you stood looking
at me. Watching me with those dark eyes.
You moved closer, I started to fear.
You placed your head against mine and all I
could do was close my eyes, but when all
I really wanted to do was to kiss your soft
tempting lips, and when I opened my eyes I
found you smiling at me. I wanted to run
away to a place where I could hide, but none
could be seen so I crawled inside my mind.
How I wanted to say things, but was too
unsure. You looked at me kindness and I
looked at you with fear, but now i wish
that I kissed you and never had
feared. . .

(For Laure Ann Raymus)

Aug 13/97

Ever love

Ever love and love but one?
Loved so long and loved but once.
Yet still, he loves and loves but
her, but ours at last shall
endure. Beneath the sun and moon
we shall dwell. Trading smiles
for nothing and kisses with dream's
known so well. But ever love, and
love but one. To think of every
scene with that one. And who
that dear loved one may be,
Still I love and love but thee. . .


Aug 6/97

What do you see

It's when I close my eyes that I see the stars,
it's like a sweet taste upon my tongue that tickles
my every delight.
chasing rapture, wanting smiles and delights to
fill my days.
I reach for innocence. I desire more than what
I want in my life.
Yet I want happiness, not artificial joy.
Give me joy that knows no end and I can show you
a happy man.
So when I dream, I dream of nothing. Or I should
say I don't remember what it is that I dream.
Perhaps its because I have my dream living out before me
and I don't have to worry about waking up and it all
going away.
Because I'm free. No bond on this soul.
Just free as a bird fly's.
So I get to see the stars when my eyes close.
What do you see. . .

We once walked past each other

We once walked past each other

in the busy street’s. Not taking

any real notice of each other.

Mere strangers who never had

Met, who had never spoken

A single word to, who has

Never ever seen the other’s face,

But still having so many

Different idea’s and adventures

That could boggle the mind.

Yet still we are a like. . .

April 20/03

What use is it to tell you

What use is it to tell you that I love you.

when these are words you've surely heard before?

Why is it you would open up your door,

When I am me, and push has come to shove?

That you would give me any portion of

your heart that I could not in turn restore,

is ludicrous to me, and even more;

since just a glimpse of you can be enough...

I will stand yearning on the edge of dreams

and wait a touch of you I'll never feel

and time will pass though it will always seem

that every longing moment is unreal.

If worthiness gave hope of life redeemed,

then I could say the words I now conceal.

Under the winters snow

Under the winters snow the world silently sleeps.

At night the streets are empty, the back ally ways

Are deserted and the shadows roam unnoticed to

Those who are awake late into the night.

Yet there you stand looking out the window watching

Those big flakes find there way down, covering

The once green world of life with its cold white blanket.

You feel a certain sullen state of mind.

Unable to let go of those once happy memories.

Clinging to the mere idea of watching the leaves

Grow as the warmth comes to free us from this

Slumber.

Time Pushes

Time pushes everything in the same direction.
Never asking if we want to go in that direction.
So we make do with the time that we have. Reaching
for the light, chasing a dream, embracing someone
so tightly that your soul can never let them go.
You can feel time in there eyes slow to that of a
trickle. Forgetting about the world that has gone
mad, for a few moments with them. Reaching for forever
it feels like. Every touch, every passing glance that
you share, the words that you share from those endless
thoughts and question you have. The answer's you want.
But time will tell as everyone knows. Reaching for
the light, chasing those dreams, consumed by life
and its love as life is shared between you and time. . .


Feb20/04

By C.C.

I stood by the window

      And I stood by the window,

    lost in thought.

    Making less than a sound.

    I refuse to speak,

    unable to speak,

    like you’ve never seen or dreamed.

    Echo’s of silence ringing in the night.

    Swimming in tide pools of filtered

    street light.

    Feelings scream by so intense, so

    haunting,

    that my fear’s are so daunting.

memories

We come to dance, groove and free our spirit from the everyday bull that swamps us. We rave because we choose too, not for the drugs or the image of  the scene or the circuit, we come for ourselves and to be with those like minded people who share the idea of happiness and dance.


By. Connor Coutu
May14/01
"memories"

School's Back from Summer!

Well, school is back. Here's to watching the kids grow another year at the school and the new kids experience the school. as well.

Today is one of those days that doesn't really stand out as something great or Epic.
it was kind of slow and dazed -like.
But it still was a better day than yesterday.

Glad to be home sitting and just relaxing.
Finished watching yet another show on Egypt.
Yea its my crack!

I sometimes see you online

I sometimes see you online.
But your not always there.
You are somewhere else.
But never here.
I sometimes see you online.
In some kinda way I know you
see me.
But answers or words never
fill my thoughts, you escape
me.
I sometimes see you online.
I want to try and say things
again, but empty air is all
thats there, leaving my heart
aching.
I sometimes see you online.
So I just log off and say
good bye to the blank screen
and lost memories and to the
ones that linger still.
I sometimes see you online.
But I am no longer here.
I am somewhere else.
I sometimes, I sometimes
give up on things which
I must let go of, but in my
heart I can't let go.
I sometimes see you online.
and I know your happier without.
So just sometimes I see you online,
and I let go... What else can anyone do. . . but go. . .

Connor C.
(S)march 17/02

By The Moonlight

I've woken up in a sea of moonlight.

I hear the soft whispering sounds of

Jazz playing from the square radio

on your desk, and I must confess

it felt like i'm still dreaming.

I silently slip out of bed and light a

cigarette and I find myself looking out

your bedroom window, wondering what's

out there?

The window getting fogged and I scraped

that thin layer of ice away. I see the moon

and stars, they always remind me of the

summer and that night we made a wish

upon that falling star.

I stand there with this certain smile looking

inward but my gaze was looking out.

I felt two arm's slide around me,

and your soft breath upon my neck

asking me if I was alrigh, I mumbled

something out and you acknowledge it

with a kiss.

Your arm's remain warapped around me

and I felt the warmth of your body pressing

against mine.

You whispered something sweet, I sighed

and said I love you . . .

Jan 26/97

" By The Moonlight "

We see the crowd

We see the crowd as a

collective of beautiful

human beings, not male

or female, not gorgeous

or ugly;

But a sea of beautiful

soul’s lives sharing the

understanding of what we

are really about.

Each other. . .

Aug20/01

Where is this going?

Twirling around the streets that are unfamiliar to my mind.
Look left then right wondering whom I might bump into?
I pass by these kids who were talking loud about things
that mattered to them. Funny how thing seem to matter
when your young.
I settled in at this coffee shop near the hotel.
Lots of good-looking men and women everywhere.
I almost gave myself whiplash.
I found myself staring out the window when this
girl came and invited herself to sit at the table and do
the same.
Ended up talking to her for an hour or so.
We exchanged info and talked about meeting up later at
some bar? But I had to work the next day
it would have been fun. I explained to her I was only
there for another two weeks. She smiled and said
that’s all right we can do something before you go.
Strange how our brief encounters is ending up so
odd feeling.
Somehow it never seems the same when your at home
and someone comes up to you and starts talking and
you have in the back of your mind wonders of who
they know, or if worst case where can I get away
from them?
I ended walking to this Pub and got a little
drunk before taking a cab back to the hotel.
Thank goodness the cabbie new where to take me
with my slurish language I had.
I ended up passing out on my bed.
To be woken up by the phone ringing.
It was my six am wake up call for work.
I wish I had a few more hours to shake off this
drunken state that seemed to linger in my head.
I made my way down to the shuttle to work and
I slept the way there.
I did my day of work with the most pain I felt
in my head for a long while.
I wonder if I should go do something or just relax
til the next day.
I don't know I think I'll just lay here
and see what happens. . .

Some Nights In The Half Darkness

Some Nights In The Half Darkness

Some nights in the half darkness

we look at each other and smile.

We don't say a word,

but we know what we're thinking.

We drift off to dreamland into this

dreaming sleep, which goes

by all in one flash and to

awake smiling next to each

other as if night did not

come at all. I'll walk across the sleeping city, through snowy

side streets to get to you.

To have one moment with

you snuggling up to me

so you could warm

your feet on my legs and I

can have the sweet smell of

your body spray on me.

Your loving arms wrapped

around me as mine are embracing

you.

The comfort we find.

The peace that we bring.

Hoping that if when one or the other is missing that the other

would miss them.

Some nights in the half

darkness we look at each other

and smile. . .

April 26/01

oh these hours must pass quickly

oh these hours must pass quickly

so I may end this day.

my mind bitterly turns and leaves

everything I feel and think sour.

every step I take to get closer to you 

the more confused and lost I become.

if I stop now and lose this chance it will 

never come again.

July 15/00

Self is the Killer Reckless of the Cost

Find me an image,
something I won't hate.
Things get lost in the translation,
could be the true meaning of fate.
I hate everything.
The most, I hate you!
As your reflection looks back at me
through the cold
mirror eyes that stands before me.
Give me my freedom, let me go.
Your hanging on too tight.
I can't breath.
It's killing my soul.
Please let me go. . .


Dec 03/04
By Connor C.
Copyrighted by HalfBaked Publications

The Day After Partycat

Ah Sunny Sunday. I went and saw my Mom & Dad today, my dad seems to be having a good day? It's sometimes hard to see him like this but it's a fact of life, we get old and hard to do stuff! My mom always puts the strong game face on when dealing with that! She's the tuff one of the family.

Last night we had some friends over and drank a lot of wine and had some awesome conversations with Alyson & Tyrone, Jer and Leigh, and lovable old Jon (thank you again for bring the Cd decks and mixer!) and Jon there are tons of books and music you can go through.

Well I'm not sure what's happening this evening? Maybe see if Berber wants to do a walk and maybe meet up with ppl to have a coffee, juice or whatever. There are less days of jacketless a head so I better do something? Maybe watch a movie? I want to see this movie Alyson and Tyrone showed us yesterday "Fathers Day" it looks like a funky grindhouse kind of movie. We'll see?

I'll post more later
Till next time Don't let partycat stop you, join him!!

sanctuary

- By the north, south, east and west.
We gather the light which shone from within.

The spirit's that bind us

together shall guild us to

the place that we call

sanctuary. . .

Sept1/01

Limits

Push those limits.

Keep pushing out,

keep taking I  and

you will find the

idea of what is,

what was and

what will be again.

            Push.

Push those limits. . .

Aug. 5/01

8:30 pm

Never a light

Never a light that glowed behind

a dark vial of night did shone as

the flame of love burned.

Love fed by the soul

and the soul alone.

Transformed this world into a

undying radiance of pure joy.

Even in fiercest burst of passion.

May1/96

can feel the light's burn off me

can feel the light's burn off me.

The feeing as time leaves

as each move becomes a universe in itself.

something of a dream

make believe, or reality.

professional entertainer of the insane makers

instead of what the media programs us to think.

I find these thoughts bound in a torture.

a self loathing of yearning for another.

I’m plagued with a lover’s heart.

I’d do anything for her. but now I find my heart is not in the same place as it once was.

places don't feel the same. time to re-enter the game.

try to get things right this time around.

I feel like screaming

so loud that it would

scare me to death.

sometimes when I close my eyes I’m in a place where I can let out this madness that buries itself in hidden places of this mind.

the heart yearns for love, romance. the forgotten pleasures that come with the soft slow touch of flesh.

midnight eyes

I still feel forever in your arms.

like waking up for the first time with your embrace.

reaching for every moment in your eyes

I feel like screaming

I feel like screaming
so loud that it would
scare me to death.
sometimes when I close my eyes
I’m in a place where I can let out this
madness that buries itself in hidden
places of this mind.
the heart yearns for love,
romance. the forgotten pleasures
that come with the soft slow touch of flesh.
And midnight eyes that cradle
this fragile mind.
I feel like screaming!
i need to let it out!

"Post modern Prometheus”

The resistive potential of the marginal collective has framed cultural
studies interrogation of popular culture. It has often mobilised an ethic of play and
inversion that sits comfortably with cultural studies politics. The capacity for official
versions of history to mask these local and fragmented experiences has silenced the
range of alternative identities that circulate through the fringes of culture. The XFiles
episode The "Postmodern Prometheus" creates a visibility for unofficial and
popular versions of the past. This paper tracks the metamorphosis of the carnival
moment from official inversionary practice through the deviancy of American B-grade
horror and science fiction films to its reanimation via a celebration of radical
difference mobilised through the popular media.

Chris Carter

lost connection

lost connection to lives that was once
so closely niched in with everyday thoughts.
time escapes you.
it runs away from you with every ounce
of strength.
no hands strong enough can grip it

June 24/00