The Silent Symphony

The Silent Symphony

Do you remember the sound of the water facet?

The slow lingering beat against the sink?

You could almost hear a remix in this.

The creaking of the floors and walls make there

Own way though the silent crowd.

The Sun shining through the window

Like something out of control in some laser light show.

Somehow you must reach the stage.

You feel something taking you away.

You reach a level that opens you to

The release you need.

Sunday afternoon. . .

Dec 12/10

Breaches in the twilight

Breaches in the twilight

Between the seamless clouds and the dreamy idea's of the world

I wave good bye to the idea of things that were of no consequence to me. Things that no longer had any real meaning to me anymore.

They once had some sort of great relevance to me but now fade like shadows on the wall.

Step by step I recover the ground lost to me. Beneath this sort of misguided way of reasoning. Answers came and found a home within this sea of turmoil, which is found inside this chaotic mind.

Rambling on and on about things that really don't have any place.

Self tortured for the many losses I have endured. I can count them all as being of some importance to me.

Each had there meaning. Some were greater and others were not.

But I try and let go and yet still remember what it was that I learned  from those that came before and for them as well.

But what have I done to keep this spirit alive? What idle have I built

to remember them or even myself? I am only left the memories that

lay still in my head. Wasting away into nothing. They should be remembered. Not forgotten like some morning news show.

I reach for reasoning in these word, within these thoughts, within these feelings. But still it feels like I'm trying to look through the

clouds and see what is beyond heavens of twilight thin. And I

struggle to hold onto what is left of my squed way of understanding

things. But still I push on through the twilight. . .

10/23/02

What is this thing that stalk me even in my dreams?

What is this thing that stalk me even in my dreams?

What is this thing that call’s to me?

Where does it come from?

What does it want?

Do you hear me laughing at that which comes near?

At every turn or at every corner of the eye.

Do you hear the whispering words of truth?

Do you hear the screaming frustrations of lies?

Torment in love,

Love in torment.

Reaching for some eternity that escapes your

Every breath.

Touch it. What does it feel like?

Does it feel familiar to you?

Can you feel it with you every being?

Close your eyes.

Feel it through the darkness of your mind.

It what links us to it.

To you. To them.

What is it?

Dec 07/10

Shadow and Light

Somewhere the light touches your body
warming you from head to toe.
The light slowly defuses through the
treetops and reaches you in shades.
Looking at the shadow dancing around
like children playing.


Dec 03/10

Touch Me

Touch Me

Touch me, and flesh rises
To meet fingertips in anxious
Anticipation of one that knows
The secret places
Where all life begins.
Where moistened energy drips in
Life’s sustaining juices that
Secret place where love is born.
. . . touch me right there.
. . . touch me.
. . . Touch my heart.



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Hope

Hope.
Lost in a forgotten
Place.
A secret myth never
Spoken of.
Hope.
A forgotten.
Place. . .

June 23/99



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Accept my apology

Accept my apology for all I
Have done.
Try to be in my place as these
Things have happened.
But it’s hurtful when you toss
Me aside and expect me to
Crawl.
Out of everything there is one
Thing I regret.
You hurt the ones you love. . .

June 16/99



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Seduce Me

Seduce me.
Let me feel the flesh of your
lips pressing against mine.
Let my hands rise up over
your lite little form.
Filling us with our hungering
lust with each glance.
Taste me with your tongue
eat me with your lips.
As I stand towering above you
I am yours.
Do with me as you will.
Seduce me.
I'm yours. . .

Dec 19/99

I Bid Farewell

I bid farewell to the season's
I bid farewell to the stars in
the night time sky.
I bid farewell to the thoughts
which laid still inside my
heart.
And I've bid farewell to the
lover's that have Crucified
me. . .

Dec 16/99

Trying To Reach Genoa

Trying to reach Genoa.
Once more across the Alps,
to find a ship,
to cross the Mediterranean
to follow my heart to
Egypt and Abyssinia
Where the sun rises across
the horiszon and the moon
seems larger than life itself.
Where this primal heart
call's for. . .

Dec 8/99

I am

I am not a prisoner of
my reason.
I want freedom in salvation.
No more need of devotion or
divine love.
No more regret for the age of
tender hearts.
Each of us have our reason,
scorn and charity;
I reserve my place at the
top of that angelic ladder
of common sense. . .

Dec 9/99

The True Importance

The true importance of the life
and death of a great man
is not to be sought in the monuments,
nor in the sayings and doings of those that
came after him.
Nor can it be summed up with a few strokes
of the pen; it is all written
in his deeds while he lived,
in his works, and death speaks the last
words of his story.
He hurtled into the void like a falling meteor,
while others died in tears of the clarity.
Like that of a thunder clap and goes to his end as he lived;
in a tempest;
as in a drama of Shakespeare. . .

Nov 30/99

The Indescribable

The Indescribable
has come
to pass. . .


Nov 25/99

To Purge

To purge all those unnecessary
moments in one's life, one must
remain focused  upon the goal.
The greater outcome of all, far
out weighs the goals of one
mere person.
So one must focus and remove
all those unnecessary activities
to see the greater goal, as well
to except one's place in the
order of the Universe . . .

Oct 19/99

Love Is My Sin

Love is my sin,
Hate of my sin,
of every hour silent
Without that, which my
Sin calls. . .


Oct 17/99

God

God is not my strength,
Nor the places I go or live.
But inside my abandoned
Mind lies the traces of hope.

Oct 7/99

That What is done

That, what is done is done.
That no past really dies.
For we are what we are.
In the kingdom of lies . . .

Jan 15/00

Uninhibited Individualism

Where inhibitions in
there own environment
could gambol and play
without the fear of
Stricture. . .

Jan 25/00

sometimes

Sometimes the drug breaks
down the reality which
you try to escape
from.
but reality is
always there . . .

feb 4/99

invisus

in the present
imperfect
world

feb 1999

In My Dreams

You are the woman in my dreams

With erotic energy's that coursed through

Your veins.

The very being of a new edge of sensuous

Mischief - You have

A tendency to f eel things I say deeply.

With my love that I offer you, would

It be enough?

Would it be a strange to please your

Heart?

Maybe?

You enter into my world like the

Exotic and erotic sounds of the Violin.

I learned forward and kissed you softly

Open lips

My hand slipped your light

Little form and I lifted you up and

Up.

Until you were friends and lover . . .

You drove your eyes into my soul.

Feeding what's in my heart.

Bounded together, the forces of lust and

Excitement fuel the mind and soul of

Our being.

Clinging to our hearts we share

Expressive of life, love and tradgy.

But you are showing me love.

I know not the skills of love, or

Passion.

I am innocent like a small child

But my heart has learned to speak

Passionately.

You call out the sleeping hunger

Within me.

A love of and respect for what is

Right before my eyes

Which is you?

I dream of that long ago time when

We sat upon that bench at the mall.

Each kiss with our eyes was the perfect

Consummation of desire.

What can we do but reach for the

Embrace that must now contain

Both heaven and hell.

Heaven when we embrace.

Hell when we don't have the

Chance too.

It's dim magnification of

Every human's soul

Shown in our love. . .

You could say

You could say I found
The beat in the rave itself.
The energy that forced its way
Through me was a new trippy thing.
Almost like contentment was in a pill. . .

Aug 13/87



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The little Houser

The little Houser
Exodus from the
Dance floor of
Underground stylers
To some kind
Of far out,
Trippy style of song. . .

1991


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Look how far

Look how far we’ve come
Just to fall away to dust.
Ends have no end
While beginnings come then go
And come again.
But how far did we really
Go. . .

Aug 28/00



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The Self

For the self
Is a killer
Reckless of the
Cost . . .




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Words

words fill the air,
they free your heart,
they give you hope,
they give you pain,
words can be whatever
you want them to be,
Words they escape,
me. . .

Nov 4:10



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Bottled

Bottled

Hidden thoughts in a bottle,
Mopping up your memories,
You know what I tell you,
What I show you.
The arrogant interpretations of
My heart on your sleeve,
I rip apart your logic,
Now you’re clouded.
Seeing a hated mirror image,
Hippocrates, hate Velcro
Sayings, but what they wished they’d
Said but couldn’t.
 
I did, but you wouldn’t
Think you know me?
That twisted version of me.
Only what you want me to be.
I’ve broken your silence.
Where are we now?
Where we should never get back. . .
A tit for a tat,
I’ve captured a grin and zipped it up.
Sometimes I open it, but I get distracted by
You licking on your lips,
Shattering your illusions
With my tongue slithering through you
Just a peak inside
You cringe.
Run!
Stupidity running rampage
You fall to the floor . . . Give
Me the bottle!
Feel dirty with the lights on.
Then drink from my wounds
For yours wounds are in me.
Remember? A tit for a tat
Our lack of faith and
Absence of everything,
Corrupting knowledge,
Devouring . . . digesting . . . regurgitating.
Now we can fly. . .
A spewed cork
Forget how to fall . . . we don’t
It covers like velvet
Blanket like those dreams, vast, like those stars.
One by one they appear as the
Night slowly swallow the light;
Gradually,
Insignificance rises and
Existence seems small.
Infinity makes ones
Life seems trivial.
 

To Have loved

To Have loved and lost
Or not to have loved.
The Shakespearean dilemma
at its crux, becomes
the unanswerable ringing
of the tolling bell, tolling
for the death of love.
Offering not a tone of resolution.
The roses are weeping
the Fairyland  has suffocated,
no one can believe
because faith has grown too
expensive and truth
has become arbitrary.
So What does a soul
make of it?
The dripping eyes, the flames
of stone.
The breathing idols of living
misunderstandings
all written in a spider web
language of delicate
rage and virtual
reality that is in fact
insanity.
No answers.
No Solution.
No Homozygous
of explanation.
Only the gliding, shimmering
shadow's that provide no
mask sufficient to hide
from the heart. . .
 

Inapprehensive Stare

Revenge on your
Inapprehensive Stare.
Revenge I say, revenge
And tears . . .

Sept 23/98

Do not deem me

Do not deem me quit the fool,
Which smarter friend have thought
Of me. . .

Do not believe

Do not believe that he
Who seeks to comfort you
Lives untroubled among
The simple and quiet words
That sometimes do you good.
His life has much difficulty
And sadness. . .
Were it otherwise, he would
Never have been able to find
Those words.

April 1998

Remember to breathe

Remember to breathe

Long moment of just sitting there.
Blanking out on the empty thoughts
That linger in the shadows of my mind.
The TV screaming in the background
As this sense of blackness enters my soul, reaching in, taking what was mine but somehow became your?
There the clutter invades my thoughts
And leaves the sanity behind. . .

Nov 1/10

Fair Verona Sleep's Tonight

Fair Verona Sleep's Tonight

Fair Verona sleeps tonight

Too early to know,

And too late to seek life -

Whether fate hear's us

I dare not know

Who must answer this deep quest

Of soul.

I know not a name,

But a face likes that of an angel -

Sings to me in my dreams.

Why must she come to me in those

Darkle hours that pass so slow?

Come to me, release me from this torturous

Bonds that binds my soul to these unpleasing

Times.

Fair Verona that sleep's so quiet and

Undisturbing.

I wait upon the fringes of this fair city

To hear this lovely of loveliness answer

Whom ever should she be?

Where ever should she dwell.

For now is the right time to say nothing.

And everything that I love thee. . .

Feb. 25/97
copyright@BlastInc.

If I cannot look across the stars

If I cannot look across the stars to see what it is that I love, than why look
I cannot reach into the depths of my soul to feel you near
I cannot see your sad eyes longing for the silent future which dreams are made of
I can only hold that which I love now for tomorrow may be too late
What must one do
Where is the moment that draws us together
What is the destiny that hold the future
I can look arcoss the stars to see my love
I can look into the depths of my soul to feel you near
I can only imagine your sad eyes longing for the silent future
which dreams are made of
I can only hold that which I love now for tomorrow may be too late
Why are there moments that draw us together
What is the destiny that holds our future

05/12/02

I Want To

I want to reach for

you as if this dream

were real.

Every look within your

eyes is a sea storm

which I cannot, nor

want to escape from.

Those crystal blue tides

your eyes, the soft white

sand your skin, and the

bright sun in the sky your hair.

You are the everything

that makes me feel.

I've fallen under some fairy

spell that takes everything

away when together with

you.

The best place in the world

is wherever you are.

The moon the sun and stars

in the sky.

I want to search for you

as if this dream

were real. . .

Nov23/04

I met this girl

I met this girl.

She comes to me like some dream

That disappears when you wake.

She’s a acid flashback.

A erotic vision that holds me still

In my thoughts.

How I question the day that go by

In silent wonderings.

Never knowing what to say if  we spoke

Never knowing where to place my eyes

08/17/99

I have known the torments of the soul

I have known the torments of the soul.

Half dead to life.

Just another way of saying you hurt so much inside.

But unable to express it.

If those words start flowing

its a hard battle fought to get out of that mood.

What can anyone do?

I keep seeing my surroundings and its people

get worst.

I retreat back into this empty hollow sanctuary

And try to give myself one heart felt moment.

But I can do is look down at the ground

 And cry.    

07/31/06

We Shall Know

We Shall know no tomorrow like today,
And yesterday will forever be in my mind.
Your name dances upon my lips
And echo's in my thought's
Why must good byes be said with
such sorrow.
And why are hello's
said with gleaming eyes?
I know for certain that I
miss your smile.

Jan 2/97

Und So Tandelt ich mir

"Und So Tandelt ich mir. . ."
"Parted from all my joy. . ,"

1997

the nights are dark the nights are long

The night comes a falling when I think how I miss you.
the feeling of your arms wrapped around me, the softness
of your voice in my ears echo's for like an eternity.
my eyes, oh my teary eyes, how they fill like my heart
grows a little colder as each passing time goes on and on.
I cling to those memories like a child with there blanket
I long for one last touch, one last smile, one last wave
good bye. How endless this feeling seems. How endless time
becomes when your away. The night comes a falling when I think
of how much it hurts to be away from you. the nights are dark
the nights are long. . .

march 27, 2002

Strung Out Coming Down Love Story

Memories of a moment stick to my thought's.
Each moment replays in my thought's
Over and over.
The way you look that night.
The smell of your hair.
The way you look through me.
With love . . .

what am i doin

what am i doin;

could i make another

day without this feeling

so close, so afraid, must hide. . .

here i am,

the shadows of a memory i can't

find.

yet somehow tomorrow always comes, this from me to you.

somethings that are loved so much

can disappear as quietly as a mouse and then you wonder?

whatever happen to you.

the world got so big and out of control

the sreaming madmen running lose in out concret jungle.

whatever happen to you.

the nights seem empty and long.

full of starlite and something unknown.

forever in a fleeting thought.

end by hope.

7/312006 

Right

embracing the heart so tightly that
no one could see it or even steal it.
not one person has been able to take
the whole thing.
Only fragments have been removed.
Nothing has moved this spirit to
reach for the sky, reach for them stars,
Hold onto the dreams.
Light and shadows are left dancing
around on my walls.
And ghost whisper faint words to my ear.
I am un able to hear what is being said.
So now I move through this jungle of
life and just be content with what is.
I keep watch of my heart and my thoughts,
waiting to share them when the time is
right. . .

April 2/99

Chance To Kiss

Chance To Kiss

Our lips are close.

Almost close enough to embrace.

Words flow out.

But  passion is in the eye.

Looking for a taste upon those tempting

lips.

I felt your body pressing against

Mine.

I wonder now when I lay in bed

IF tomorrow I will have the

Chance to kiss you again.

June 22/97

An Die Ferne Geliebte (To The Distant Beloved)

An Die Ferne Geliebte

(To The Distant Beloved)

In moments hidden beneath a mask of

playfulness.

Who's heart were only ready to yield.

or could only hesitate and shed tears.

But there was the sweet refined.

face with the dark questioning eyes.

and the reflection of her dark hair,

which flowed down in soft ringletes

to the swanlike neck.

She's the only one who gave him,

her love selflessly, fully knowing

the demons of his art.

His strange, splendid genuis,

his great heart and his tragic conflict

wih himself didn't matter to her heart,

even though his wounds be still

unhealed. . .

Feb. 14/97

note to Jani

That is so true, in the end the only thing that anyone has is the experiences that

We’ve gotten along the way. No matter how brief the interactions is with people

Or the how brief the moment we stay in one place or places. It sums up who we are.

I have this out look that all the places that I’ve been, that the people who are closest to me are there with me. Watching a sunset or moon rise, taking in a moment of looking into someone’s eye’s and feeling what they feel at that moment. It allows me to have this peace of mind that I am never alone in the feeling sense. But yes you can still feel alone

Even with this idea. But it helps subside the sad feeling that may come with those negative thoughts of emptiness and yearning.

                                           

I remember going to this party and I was standing across the room and for some reason

This girl kept on looking at me. As the night went on and in different rooms we kept on

Seeing each other, after a while we stood closer and closer to each other till we were almost standing together. Finally we said hello to each other and started talking. To make a long story short we ended up making friends and we parted by giving each other a hug.

But it was different. A connection, a moment that is shared.

C.C.

12/14/09

How's My Latin??

Cogito, ergo sum
I think, therefore I am - Descartes

Aegri somnia vana
A such man's empty dreams – Horace

Alter idem
Second self: alter ego - Cicero

Errare humanum est
To err is human.

Errare humanum est, sed in errore perseverare diabolicum
To err is human, but to continue to err is diabolical.

Vir prudens non contra ventum mingit
Wise man does not urinate against the wind.

quos deus vult perdere prius dementat
those whom a god wishes to destroy he first drives mad

non omnia possumus omnes
we can't all do all things

oderint dum metuant
let them hate, so long as they fear

exceptio probat regulam de rebus non exceptis
an exception establishes the rule as to things not excepted

ex nihilo nihil fit
from nothing nothing is produced

fiat experimentum in corpore vili
let experiment be made on a worthless body

dulce et decorum est pro patria mori
it is sweet and seemly to die for one's country

Credo Elvem ipsum etian vivere.
I think that Elvis is still alive.

Labra lege.
Read my lips.

Tibi gratias agimus quod nihil fumas.
Thank you for not smoking. 

a good start

Blinded by the lights staggering through hollow streets leaving no traces of hope in the railyards of dreams

John Lennon

Some times the endearing spirit helps you go on,
continue to struggle, to survive, to be.
A great man as John Lennon inspires
a generation to be free and give peace a chance.
There is hope through his music and idea's,
it will live on, as well the dream we all share.

CC
Oct 12/10

A letter from the world

A letter from the world

There is no way out.

The end is somewhere in the shadows that we can't escape,

this I can't pretend to not see.

What happened to our good times?

Is it something that has gone from our days under the sun?

We are rushing to an absoult that must be finished.

Capture By Time

Capture B y Time

Sometimes in the night I awoke

feeling stream's of cool air soundlessly

flowing under a darken sky of

splendour

I came to think of it as a calm

dream;

Across an invisible ocean with

ten thousand brilliant stars arched

across the sky.

and everyone I wanted to wish upon.

these moments are utterly timeless

in my heart, overwhelmed by a

great beauty, captured by time.

Feb 8/97

Complete

She leans over to pour you a drink.
You reach out and touch her face.
She smiles but quickly looks away.
Almost in fright.
She does not let her heart feel
the joy that may come with another.
She come back with a longing look.
One that sad women have when not
loved enough.
You cannot imagine what she think
but you know how she feels.
In that dark little place that holds
all those fears.
She reaches for you.
Feels your inviting touch.
If only for a moment, to be loved.
The final thought as she reaches
around you and embraces you.
She feels complete. . .

By Connor C.
Copyrighted.*

Autums Moon

Autums Moon

I watch the moonrise during the cool autums night.
From rosy red, to the pale glow of its light.
It slowly reaches across the velvet of night.
Pawing its way to the heavens might.
Every moment just right.
To wish a dream.
Of a kiss.
good night.

By. Connor C.
Copyrighted.*

by the mer idea

The sounds of laughter fill these halls that I have in my mind.
Echo's of a time I can't recall really. Where was I lost in a web of perplexities.
Love, friends, family, these things are what we call foundation of character of a person.
Reach for those star that linger above. It maybe our only escape or survival.
Rushes, flashes, burst of emotional chaos, The soul urched and beseeche by its own
reality.
We are what we are trapped by the a Network of false communities and Corporate lies.
We are trapped by the mer idea. . .

Sept 30/10

This Idea is You

This Idea is You

The idea of this woman is mere fiction,
Yet when she enters the room you't can't
help yourself but to look at her and all her
heavenly charms.
She oozes seduction like perfume.
And that dark hair, and those blue
eyes filled with the longing of a touch.
She came close to me and I felt a
certain hunger, and when we spoke,
she was charming and intelligent.
What a amazing creature that walks
among us.
But as quickly as she came she was
gone!
Leaving the idea of her fresh in my thoughts
And now in these lines she will be
immortal.
Forever in time. . .

June 5/98

I listen to you scream

I listen to you scream
Through the bedroom door
"don't leave me,
Don't leave me,"
I can't see you
I can only feel
You.
As I try to hide
This
Pain. . .

Feb. /98


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Sometimes I See

Sometimes I see a
Glimpse
Of something great,
But
It just turns out
To be
Shit!

April 12/98



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I've been living

I've been living
With my eyes
Open for a long
Time and I
Haven't seen anything
New . . .

April 15/98


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Will you

Will you Fuck me with your
body of fire until the still
sea in me thaws or fracture?
Will you hold me until the mad
screams inside my brain are gone or at peace for a time.

Will you my love
Will you indeed
Will you please
will you. . .

Goodbye

Goodbye

I'm breaking out. Breaking out of my prison. But oh this place it has memories.

Memories to be cherished. Do you remember our first christmas here? And everday

when you would come home, you know I looked forward to seeing you walk in the

door. All the feelings and the moments I hold so dear, they did not go with

you when you walked out the door this morning. I sit here and cry one tear after

another not sure where my future lies or whats in store. But I do know that

I miss you and I love you now and forever. This hurt it goes down to the core

and the lonliness , I dont know if it will go away ever. But you said one day

you will be back to bring me with you. To bring me to play in the hot sun and

dance under the stars of the desert. I know there are no promises made. But

I will be dreaming of us holding hands by catcuses made of jade and I know that

that man in the moon will be smiling down on us then. 

woman skin

woman skin

woman skin

is for finger dancers,

for lovers hands...

scented sweet,

smooth to touch,

kisses to be hung there,

pictures on a lovers walls,

pleasure in ooze form,

like slow honey,

on the morning after,

when sunlight reminds

of the passions

wrapped inside....

hmmmm woman skin..

Every Dream Dreamt By Us

Every Dream Dreamt By Us   

And if we look to tomorrow we shall see the

distant horizon with the setting sun.

All glorious wonder fills the senses with pleasure

unbound by this moment shared between two souls.

The hours that are silent between us are not silent

at all, but full of mystery of moments yet to come.

If you must wait a life time to see, than it shall be worth

the sight that is to come.

And if you wait a life time to love, it shall be more beautiful

that any dream ever dreamt by your sleeping eyes.

It was there in the distant that a heart did yearn.

Yearning for the one that they love

Aug27/97

What It Must Feel

What It Must Feel

Racing and laughing along the river
carrying a smile in you right pocket
and the simple first kiss in your heart.
What frantic fury comes raising out of you.
The light of the moon our simple silent guild
inches to what freedom must feel like?
Closeness so painful that it hurts.
Hours hidden in rubble waiting. Just waiting
for the moment for escape.
When I stop and think about the run by the river
I can't but help to wonder. Was I laughing
or was I crying in fear?
Everything seems so confused.
What do you do?
Where can you go?
I don't know.
this is the life I only know. . .


By Connor Coutu
Oct 11/04

Copyrighted By @HalfBaked Publishing

Because I Feared

Because I Feared

In the doorway you stood looking
at me. Watching me with those dark eyes.
You moved closer, I started to fear.
You placed your head against mine and all I
could do was close my eyes, but when all
I really wanted to do was to kiss your soft
tempting lips, and when I opened my eyes I
found you smiling at me. I wanted to run
away to a place where I could hide, but none
could be seen so I crawled inside my mind.
How I wanted to say things, but was too
unsure. You looked at me kindness and I
looked at you with fear, but now i wish
that I kissed you and never had
feared. . .

(For Laure Ann Raymus)

Aug 13/97

Ever love

Ever love and love but one?
Loved so long and loved but once.
Yet still, he loves and loves but
her, but ours at last shall
endure. Beneath the sun and moon
we shall dwell. Trading smiles
for nothing and kisses with dream's
known so well. But ever love, and
love but one. To think of every
scene with that one. And who
that dear loved one may be,
Still I love and love but thee. . .


Aug 6/97

What do you see

It's when I close my eyes that I see the stars,
it's like a sweet taste upon my tongue that tickles
my every delight.
chasing rapture, wanting smiles and delights to
fill my days.
I reach for innocence. I desire more than what
I want in my life.
Yet I want happiness, not artificial joy.
Give me joy that knows no end and I can show you
a happy man.
So when I dream, I dream of nothing. Or I should
say I don't remember what it is that I dream.
Perhaps its because I have my dream living out before me
and I don't have to worry about waking up and it all
going away.
Because I'm free. No bond on this soul.
Just free as a bird fly's.
So I get to see the stars when my eyes close.
What do you see. . .

We once walked past each other

We once walked past each other

in the busy street’s. Not taking

any real notice of each other.

Mere strangers who never had

Met, who had never spoken

A single word to, who has

Never ever seen the other’s face,

But still having so many

Different idea’s and adventures

That could boggle the mind.

Yet still we are a like. . .

April 20/03

What use is it to tell you

What use is it to tell you that I love you.

when these are words you've surely heard before?

Why is it you would open up your door,

When I am me, and push has come to shove?

That you would give me any portion of

your heart that I could not in turn restore,

is ludicrous to me, and even more;

since just a glimpse of you can be enough...

I will stand yearning on the edge of dreams

and wait a touch of you I'll never feel

and time will pass though it will always seem

that every longing moment is unreal.

If worthiness gave hope of life redeemed,

then I could say the words I now conceal.

Under the winters snow

Under the winters snow the world silently sleeps.

At night the streets are empty, the back ally ways

Are deserted and the shadows roam unnoticed to

Those who are awake late into the night.

Yet there you stand looking out the window watching

Those big flakes find there way down, covering

The once green world of life with its cold white blanket.

You feel a certain sullen state of mind.

Unable to let go of those once happy memories.

Clinging to the mere idea of watching the leaves

Grow as the warmth comes to free us from this

Slumber.

Time Pushes

Time pushes everything in the same direction.
Never asking if we want to go in that direction.
So we make do with the time that we have. Reaching
for the light, chasing a dream, embracing someone
so tightly that your soul can never let them go.
You can feel time in there eyes slow to that of a
trickle. Forgetting about the world that has gone
mad, for a few moments with them. Reaching for forever
it feels like. Every touch, every passing glance that
you share, the words that you share from those endless
thoughts and question you have. The answer's you want.
But time will tell as everyone knows. Reaching for
the light, chasing those dreams, consumed by life
and its love as life is shared between you and time. . .


Feb20/04

By C.C.

I stood by the window

      And I stood by the window,

    lost in thought.

    Making less than a sound.

    I refuse to speak,

    unable to speak,

    like you’ve never seen or dreamed.

    Echo’s of silence ringing in the night.

    Swimming in tide pools of filtered

    street light.

    Feelings scream by so intense, so

    haunting,

    that my fear’s are so daunting.

memories

We come to dance, groove and free our spirit from the everyday bull that swamps us. We rave because we choose too, not for the drugs or the image of  the scene or the circuit, we come for ourselves and to be with those like minded people who share the idea of happiness and dance.


By. Connor Coutu
May14/01
"memories"

School's Back from Summer!

Well, school is back. Here's to watching the kids grow another year at the school and the new kids experience the school. as well.

Today is one of those days that doesn't really stand out as something great or Epic.
it was kind of slow and dazed -like.
But it still was a better day than yesterday.

Glad to be home sitting and just relaxing.
Finished watching yet another show on Egypt.
Yea its my crack!

I sometimes see you online

I sometimes see you online.
But your not always there.
You are somewhere else.
But never here.
I sometimes see you online.
In some kinda way I know you
see me.
But answers or words never
fill my thoughts, you escape
me.
I sometimes see you online.
I want to try and say things
again, but empty air is all
thats there, leaving my heart
aching.
I sometimes see you online.
So I just log off and say
good bye to the blank screen
and lost memories and to the
ones that linger still.
I sometimes see you online.
But I am no longer here.
I am somewhere else.
I sometimes, I sometimes
give up on things which
I must let go of, but in my
heart I can't let go.
I sometimes see you online.
and I know your happier without.
So just sometimes I see you online,
and I let go... What else can anyone do. . . but go. . .

Connor C.
(S)march 17/02

By The Moonlight

I've woken up in a sea of moonlight.

I hear the soft whispering sounds of

Jazz playing from the square radio

on your desk, and I must confess

it felt like i'm still dreaming.

I silently slip out of bed and light a

cigarette and I find myself looking out

your bedroom window, wondering what's

out there?

The window getting fogged and I scraped

that thin layer of ice away. I see the moon

and stars, they always remind me of the

summer and that night we made a wish

upon that falling star.

I stand there with this certain smile looking

inward but my gaze was looking out.

I felt two arm's slide around me,

and your soft breath upon my neck

asking me if I was alrigh, I mumbled

something out and you acknowledge it

with a kiss.

Your arm's remain warapped around me

and I felt the warmth of your body pressing

against mine.

You whispered something sweet, I sighed

and said I love you . . .

Jan 26/97

" By The Moonlight "

We see the crowd

We see the crowd as a

collective of beautiful

human beings, not male

or female, not gorgeous

or ugly;

But a sea of beautiful

soul’s lives sharing the

understanding of what we

are really about.

Each other. . .

Aug20/01

Where is this going?

Twirling around the streets that are unfamiliar to my mind.
Look left then right wondering whom I might bump into?
I pass by these kids who were talking loud about things
that mattered to them. Funny how thing seem to matter
when your young.
I settled in at this coffee shop near the hotel.
Lots of good-looking men and women everywhere.
I almost gave myself whiplash.
I found myself staring out the window when this
girl came and invited herself to sit at the table and do
the same.
Ended up talking to her for an hour or so.
We exchanged info and talked about meeting up later at
some bar? But I had to work the next day
it would have been fun. I explained to her I was only
there for another two weeks. She smiled and said
that’s all right we can do something before you go.
Strange how our brief encounters is ending up so
odd feeling.
Somehow it never seems the same when your at home
and someone comes up to you and starts talking and
you have in the back of your mind wonders of who
they know, or if worst case where can I get away
from them?
I ended walking to this Pub and got a little
drunk before taking a cab back to the hotel.
Thank goodness the cabbie new where to take me
with my slurish language I had.
I ended up passing out on my bed.
To be woken up by the phone ringing.
It was my six am wake up call for work.
I wish I had a few more hours to shake off this
drunken state that seemed to linger in my head.
I made my way down to the shuttle to work and
I slept the way there.
I did my day of work with the most pain I felt
in my head for a long while.
I wonder if I should go do something or just relax
til the next day.
I don't know I think I'll just lay here
and see what happens. . .

Some Nights In The Half Darkness

Some Nights In The Half Darkness

Some nights in the half darkness

we look at each other and smile.

We don't say a word,

but we know what we're thinking.

We drift off to dreamland into this

dreaming sleep, which goes

by all in one flash and to

awake smiling next to each

other as if night did not

come at all. I'll walk across the sleeping city, through snowy

side streets to get to you.

To have one moment with

you snuggling up to me

so you could warm

your feet on my legs and I

can have the sweet smell of

your body spray on me.

Your loving arms wrapped

around me as mine are embracing

you.

The comfort we find.

The peace that we bring.

Hoping that if when one or the other is missing that the other

would miss them.

Some nights in the half

darkness we look at each other

and smile. . .

April 26/01

oh these hours must pass quickly

oh these hours must pass quickly

so I may end this day.

my mind bitterly turns and leaves

everything I feel and think sour.

every step I take to get closer to you 

the more confused and lost I become.

if I stop now and lose this chance it will 

never come again.

July 15/00

Self is the Killer Reckless of the Cost

Find me an image,
something I won't hate.
Things get lost in the translation,
could be the true meaning of fate.
I hate everything.
The most, I hate you!
As your reflection looks back at me
through the cold
mirror eyes that stands before me.
Give me my freedom, let me go.
Your hanging on too tight.
I can't breath.
It's killing my soul.
Please let me go. . .


Dec 03/04
By Connor C.
Copyrighted by HalfBaked Publications

The Day After Partycat

Ah Sunny Sunday. I went and saw my Mom & Dad today, my dad seems to be having a good day? It's sometimes hard to see him like this but it's a fact of life, we get old and hard to do stuff! My mom always puts the strong game face on when dealing with that! She's the tuff one of the family.

Last night we had some friends over and drank a lot of wine and had some awesome conversations with Alyson & Tyrone, Jer and Leigh, and lovable old Jon (thank you again for bring the Cd decks and mixer!) and Jon there are tons of books and music you can go through.

Well I'm not sure what's happening this evening? Maybe see if Berber wants to do a walk and maybe meet up with ppl to have a coffee, juice or whatever. There are less days of jacketless a head so I better do something? Maybe watch a movie? I want to see this movie Alyson and Tyrone showed us yesterday "Fathers Day" it looks like a funky grindhouse kind of movie. We'll see?

I'll post more later
Till next time Don't let partycat stop you, join him!!

sanctuary

- By the north, south, east and west.
We gather the light which shone from within.

The spirit's that bind us

together shall guild us to

the place that we call

sanctuary. . .

Sept1/01

Limits

Push those limits.

Keep pushing out,

keep taking I  and

you will find the

idea of what is,

what was and

what will be again.

            Push.

Push those limits. . .

Aug. 5/01

8:30 pm

Never a light

Never a light that glowed behind

a dark vial of night did shone as

the flame of love burned.

Love fed by the soul

and the soul alone.

Transformed this world into a

undying radiance of pure joy.

Even in fiercest burst of passion.

May1/96

can feel the light's burn off me

can feel the light's burn off me.

The feeing as time leaves

as each move becomes a universe in itself.

something of a dream

make believe, or reality.

professional entertainer of the insane makers

instead of what the media programs us to think.

I find these thoughts bound in a torture.

a self loathing of yearning for another.

I’m plagued with a lover’s heart.

I’d do anything for her. but now I find my heart is not in the same place as it once was.

places don't feel the same. time to re-enter the game.

try to get things right this time around.

I feel like screaming

so loud that it would

scare me to death.

sometimes when I close my eyes I’m in a place where I can let out this madness that buries itself in hidden places of this mind.

the heart yearns for love, romance. the forgotten pleasures that come with the soft slow touch of flesh.

midnight eyes

I still feel forever in your arms.

like waking up for the first time with your embrace.

reaching for every moment in your eyes

I feel like screaming

I feel like screaming
so loud that it would
scare me to death.
sometimes when I close my eyes
I’m in a place where I can let out this
madness that buries itself in hidden
places of this mind.
the heart yearns for love,
romance. the forgotten pleasures
that come with the soft slow touch of flesh.
And midnight eyes that cradle
this fragile mind.
I feel like screaming!
i need to let it out!

"Post modern Prometheus”

The resistive potential of the marginal collective has framed cultural
studies interrogation of popular culture. It has often mobilised an ethic of play and
inversion that sits comfortably with cultural studies politics. The capacity for official
versions of history to mask these local and fragmented experiences has silenced the
range of alternative identities that circulate through the fringes of culture. The XFiles
episode The "Postmodern Prometheus" creates a visibility for unofficial and
popular versions of the past. This paper tracks the metamorphosis of the carnival
moment from official inversionary practice through the deviancy of American B-grade
horror and science fiction films to its reanimation via a celebration of radical
difference mobilised through the popular media.

Chris Carter

lost connection

lost connection to lives that was once
so closely niched in with everyday thoughts.
time escapes you.
it runs away from you with every ounce
of strength.
no hands strong enough can grip it

June 24/00

fragile

..fragile as a flower blown in the wind
hold your head high
hold your head high
reach for a single touch
with a glance from your eye
sweet embrace forever left on mind
my solace dream
my blue eyed miracle
you are my divine
a star shining bright in the sky
guiding my way to you.
hold your head high
hold your head high
I’m always right here
to be what you ask of me
to laugh at your jokes
to embrace when sad
to give you hope
to find answers when I can
hold your head high
hold your head high
embrace and say I love you
as both of us do
these are my words
for you.


March 24/99

Prairie Snow

Prairie Snow

I recall those deep footsteps
in the prairie snow.
To where they shall lead I
dare not know?
The day is filled with blinding
whiteness all around.
The nights are cold and silent,
with not a creature around.
Whispers upon a dream tell
their riddle of flashing images.
I recall those deep footsteps
in the prairie snow
to where they shall lead
I dare not go.
I stare out my window
watching snowflakes hover
then fall, covering those
traces of places where
people once strolled.
But now are silent and
cold.
Listen - Can you hear
the wind blow. . .

Nov 7/96

My name is nobody

My name is nobody.
Just another shell
wondering around
the street's, passing
other shells.
The motion is constant.
Never stopping.
Not even for a moment.
Forward and onward.
In motion.
Only in the mind can we
truly look back.
Embracing a feeling that had some meaning,
but is struggled to remember why sometimes.
Reality come's rushing towards you, forcing the memories away.
Making now important somehow.
But then you re-enter
another world between
that where you fill
your mind with
endless questions.
Asking others shell's for
answer's, but ended with
more questions.
Keeping the motion going.
Yet still you remain
nobody in an ocean of
shells.


March23/04

Thought

I want to share with you
my thoughts.
Something you can feel.
A idea of what’s been circling
around my head.
the lights, the sounds, everything
going by in flash of brilliance and madness.
Funny how a feeling can drive you crazy.
I could think for as long as I can and still I can't wrap my brain around you.
the mere thought of you and nothing is done.
time is a phantom that haunts our every move.