My Garden of Eden

I see the winter storm blowing
Outside my window.
I feel the warm of my room.
My home, my Mandatiorum.
The plants give me love, clean Air,
colours to look at and life.
I love my sanctuary.
My garden of Eden.

Dec 28/13

Pass Me The Rum

Pass me the rum!
There's nothing in the bottle.
I was going to countertop to see if I can find some.
Everything looks empty.
I wonder if there is a box somewhere?
Someone pass me the Rum!

Dec25/13

Tell Me

Tell me you want it.
Let me feel your warm wet pussy.
let me see it.
I want you.
Can I come over and see you?
I want you.

Dec 21/13 First day of winter

Wanting to live

Will you still like me if I'm reprogrammed?
If everything I am is added or subtracted from me,
To make me better, or in touch with my humanity.
Are these changes necessary?
Can we not work around them?
A bypass of systems and relays.
Fix it to work.
Please. . .

Dec 10/13

Kids

Remember the conversations we always had at the dinner table,
how sketchy, how weird, how strangely seemed.
No one took notice of us goofing off and saying cool shit.
no one thought different of us, were just kids.
Stupid stupid kids
There is a rat Tat Tat at the door was Jimmy.
Time to go.
It's showtime.

Dec 10/13

Scattered Brain Blues

Dirty bastard always sitting and staring at the girls on the street corner.
So unkempt, so unclean, a dirty mind
With dirty little thoughts.
This one girl Rhonda kept asking me for tricks.
As tempting as it was with her big tits,
I had say no.
The sun is going down and I can feel the chill in the air.
Time to head indoors.

Dec 10/13

My Hands Smell

My hands smell of cleaning solvent.
They feel a certain industrial clean.
I just have to sweep the kitchen and do maybe
Three loads of dishes.
My hands smell. . .
I'm ready. . .

Dec 05/13

Do You Read Me?

Do you read me?
I mean do you understand me?
Do you get what I'm saying?
How can I explain this?
How do I get this through to you?
This you won't understand!
Do you read me?

Dec 02/13

The sound of my agitated soul

It's 830 and it feels like an eternity has passed.
Nothing has prepared me for this.
The slow movement of time
Like a elegant ballroom dance
Slow gestures and glances
A study of dance without movements
My eyes hungry for rest
My body senses it too
The slow agitation of the sound in my head
Torments me like the screaming of bells in the night
Of some Holy places
Deep breath relax
Another deep breath
A few more time for good measure
It's 835
I hate you time

Nov 29/13

Items in the drawers

Lost items in the drawer.
Papers, pens, small nicknacks
A clutter of assorted thing that
I have no idea where they came from.
Lost in this jungle of stuff.
Great I can't remember what I was
Looking for?
Oh well it will come back to me.

Nov 19/13

In a heart beat

Dance, move, laugh, cry, and remember.
Be as free as the breeze
That gently flows from place to place.
Let it take you.
Let it find you.
Something only found in your night time dream's.
Be as free as the sunlight in the sky.
Be as adventurous and curious as a wide eyed child
Discovering the new world of thing and idea's.
Be yourself, you are far move beautiful than what eyes
See.
The simple joy in a smile.
A joy it has been.
In our moment shared.

May15/13

To Oblivion I guess

There the other kids are swimming and having a good time.
I'm jealous, I wish that was me.
I eventually make it out to where they were.
I thought I struggled the whole way.
And I did. It was hard.
Moving through the water feel myself take in gulp of
Air and water.
I didn't like it.
Why am I doing this?
Oh yeah to be with my friends.
Chasing them, trying to keep up and play with them.
I do badly want to fit in with them.
I do almost anything to make them laugh at me.
Or try to be noticed.
Nothing seemed to work.
Finally, I'm there.
For a few minutes and they, all decided to go to shore and eat.
Leaving me by myself. Tied, scared and worried.
Last thing in remembers drifting down.
The first thing I remember was coughing thinking great. . .
I regretted that moment in my life.
Chasing after people because I wanted to be accepted by
People I thought were my friends.
People I thought are cool and how I wish I was liked
They were.
Sigh, sadly I know.
Most of my life I was always doing that. Always chasing
People I admire.
I seem to always be in this same cycle.
Do it till I get hurt.
Do it till no one is left.
No one is left. Well, there is me.
Do you get me? Do you understand that I have lots to be sad
And upset about.
I've done so many things. But since I got sick
This last time, I lost something.
I lost that person I was and became this.
This person I see in the mirror,
Tired unfamiliar person trying to guess what I need
And like.
But I feel so indecisive at times.
What is me?
I fight trying every step like it's between life and death.
It's not, it just going out to see a movie.
My scope is skewed I guess.
Where do I go from here?
I don't know.
To Oblivion I guess.

Oct 25/13

My Sad Tears

Drifting in the cold breeze.
Sad faces.
Sad tears.
Heart yearning.
Nightmares are the dreams.
Closes my eyes escape.
Escape into the darkness
Of my dreams.
Never seeing the light.
Never touching the warmth
Of love.
Never.
Sad good byes.
Good byes
Good.
Bye.

Oct 01/13






Quae Nocent Docent.. . .

So Not Cool

The way that I see it.
Either you roll with it,
Or you let it destroy you.
You can take it.
Big deal. No.
Let the universe roll off
You.
Just except this a another
Thing that's a momentary blip
On the Psyche.
Sigh.
Ok time to roll.
Time to take on this
Day of ungrateful people.
And try to exist without anyone
Noticing enough to actually
Want something from you.
Just looking for the painful
Flipping of the numbers on you
Cell phones clock.
Is it time? Is it time?
Quickly check your social media of
Choice.
It's just that a choice.
So are a lot of things.

Sept 16/13


Quae Nocent Docent.. . .

Rehab the wild mix

What are you!
Are you trying to mess with me?
Are you?
Why won't you look at me.
I know your sorry.
I know.

Sept 15/13


Quae Nocent Docent.. . .

Wiggle Them Toes

It's early morning, I feel my cat
Licking my toes.
I slowly start wiggling them.
My cat paws at them.
No claws mind you, just
Playfulness.
My eyes slowly open to the rude
Blinding white light of my room.
My little brother sitting on his
Of the bed reading some superhero
Comic.
I bury myself under a sea of blankets.
Buried so deep that the air felt like
A deep dark coal mine.
It was wasting away, hanging there
Unable to move.
Once the idea of no air changed my
Dying mind that I surface for
Air, bathroom, and maybe some juice
Would make things perfect again.
So I had thought. . .

Sept. 03/13


Quae Nocent Docent.. . .

Roller Coaster Ride

Everything seem's calm, relax, good.
For the moment it seems.
Then a noise that startled you.
Then a return to calmness, a little unsure.
I can start to feel my chest pounding.
Something doesn't feel right?
What is it I sense?
I feel like I'm trying to climb a hill.
Sort of trying to get away.
Then completion.
Exziltered, a sense of finally I can be calm again.
Then a sharpe left the right up then down!
It's absolute adrenaline rush to every sense.
Short of breath. Confusion.
That goes on for minutes, which felt like hours,
But in reality it was most likely seconds.
But this feeling when it stop is unmistakeablely
Desire, yearning for more like a drug.
Can I have another ride?

Aug 16/13



Quae Nocent Docent.. . .

Through The Peephole

The door knocks,
Someone is there?
I look through the peephole.
I see this person,
Tall, slender, sexy as hell.
I see them waiting, patiently, turning into
Impatience.
Then them pressing on the door bell that no
One ever uses.
I unlock the door and open it to greet them,
But as the door opens I see no one in front of
Me.
I look towards the stairs and hear someone
walking down the stairs.
I couldn't see who.
I called out but no one answered back.
Then I hear the sound of the main door
Closing.
Good bye whom ever you are.
I hope you have a safe journey.
This feeling would stay with me
For days.
Still not knowing who it was.
I could just imagine.

Aug 06/13




Quae Nocent Docent.. . .

Waiting For The Boom

Words, words fill my screen.

They sometimes take me away from this job.

This place I try and not to call work.

I smile and greet the future.

It makes me weep.

The computer alarm goes off again.

Weight room door. Check the camera,

It's just that senior kid that works out

All the time.

No problem here.

I greet more of the damned future.

Put the fake-real smile on.

No one notices.

It's been a struggle to keep this illusion

Of all together intact.

But here I stand on the edge waiting for the boom.

July 30/13

Ok mediocrity

This failure to do.
You hurt me, but I hurt you.
This feeling I should not be having.
You hurt, I hurt!
Look what you've done.
This mediocrity that you put us through,
This torcher!
Ok we're done!

July 26/13

Quae Nocent Docent.. . .

My Balloon

Your Big beautiful eyes look up
To that big opened blue sky
with white fluffy clouds as your
canvas of idea's and love.
Sullen tear rolls down your cheek.
A Single word flys out.
NO!
You frantically run through the open
field. Hoping you catch it.
Sadly it goes farther and further
away.
You stop and watch it go.
A sort of wishing it came back.
But sadly no.
You look down to the ground.
And someone stand next to you and
hands you a replacement red balloon.
Joy returns, happiness.
But as you danced around the person
who gave you the balloon disappears.
I love my balloon.

July 25/13

A Note to The Absent

Go a head, change the world!
Make everyone stop and take notice of you.
When you speak to us, be strong.
People like strong leaders.
Be proud and thankful that you are here and now.
Don't let people speak for you, sometimes they say the wrong things.
Speak from the heart.
It may misguide you sometimes but it's worth it.
And let go, forgive and forget, walk away.
Tomorrow is always a better day, and it does get better.
Why?
Because I have to believe it to be a part of who I am.
What I am.
Just because I am.

July 09/13


Quae Nocent Docent.. . .

Here For The Papers

Guten Morgen

nWie Sie in den Stand flattern.

nSchauend um den Bereich, versuchend, verstehen Sie, was Sie tun müssen.

nWir beide Lächeln an einander

nMit ungeschicktem und UngewissNess.

nSie mit Ihren schönen großen Augen

nUnd reizendes Lächeln.

nIch mit meiner Annehmlichkeit und frohen Widerspruch.

nJeden Tag einige mehr Wörter,

nEinig mehr Lächeln wird ausgetauscht.

nEine bestimmte Freude kommt jeden Tag das

nIch sehe Sie.

nTäglich ist etwas mehr gelehrt.

nWenn Ihre nicht gesehen Ihnen verfehlt werden und mein Tag gerade scheint nicht abschließen.

Written 2013 Jan - June

By Connor C.

Sorry or my bad German :s

Before Bed

Sitting in the sunroom watching the sun
goes behind some tree's.
I grew tired and I need to rest.
Time to get up and make my way to sleep.
Sweet dreams.

June 11/13


Quae Nocent Docent.. . .

Complications

One day I will
Have people I will want
To call.
To do things with.
Maybe have a common interest.
I feel I don't have this.
I have friends but I don't
Feel I can talk to them,
Or they just tolerate me.
So I guess not really friends then.
But I'm told they are friends.
I will take it as I always do.
Closed eyes, opened arms.
One day.
I will find myself and what I want.
I lost myself a long time ago.
I didn't like me. I'm a better man
Now.
I'm tired of all these games.
I'm wanting so much but I can
Never say what it is, but I feel it.
I am self suffering.
I am trying to hurt myself so I can feel.
Push you away.
Leave me alone but hold me as I cry.
I need. . .
I need. . .
Something to ease.
No more pain!

June 02/13



Quae Nocent Docent.. . . All things painful teach us new ways.

End of Me

The last lines of the paper said,
End of me.
What does it mean?
End of me.
Does it mean I cannot continue,
Or does it mean me,they or someone else?
I don't know.
It's just words on the piece of
Paper that is only made out.
End of me.

June 02/13


Quae Nocent Docent.. . .

Side of The Road

I pulled to the side of the road.
Some place I don't know.
The middle of nowhere.
The end of somewhere.
I reached an end.
Traffic raced by and I stood there
Watching the clouds roll in the distance.
The sun breaking through.
Waves of mustard plants growing in
The soft prairies breeze.
There I close my eyes and feel disconnected
From the everyday.
The madness that robs me of my life.
In the silence I found my life.
Breathing, living, happy.
Alive.

June 01/13

Something I Said

Was it something I said?
Was it something I did?
Can you tell me instead of
Avoiding me.
When you see me stop being
So obviously secretive about
Hanging out, or doing things.
We are not children, stop acting
Like one.
Should I just down grade our
Relationship to meh?
I'm tired of being left out,
Pushed aside and been made to feel
A burden.
Is this making you feel uncomfortable?
Is it something I said?
Good!

May 30/13

To A Friend

Did you ever love someone and know they didn’t
Care?
Did you ever feel like crying and know you’d get
Nowhere?
Did you look into their eyes and say a little prayer?
Or did you look into their heart and wished you
Were there?
Did you ever see them dancing with the light’s
Way down low?
Did you ever say I love you
And never let them know?
If you fall in love my friend you'd find it doesn’t
Pay.
It only causes heartache.
That happens every day.
Do you ever wonder if it’s true?
One day you're happy,
And the next you'll find you're blue.
And when this starts you'll know why
And wonder day and night reminding yourself
Going to lose them no matter how hard you
Fight.
Love is fine, but the price you pay is high.
If I could choose between love and death,
I think I rather die.
And so my friend don't fall in love,
You'll hurt before you're through
You see my friend I ought to know
Because I fell in love with you . . .

The Weight of The World

The weight of the world
Is looming over.
I can't see it?
I don't know it?
I don't understand it.
The lull before something happens.

May 15/13


Quae Nocent Docent.. . .

Location:Wentworth St,Winnipeg,Canada

Sometimes She Dances

Sometimes she dances with the lights
Way down low.
Music softly playing that you never want to let go.
Slow erotic movements touching herself, touching me.
The moment feels right To feel the way I do.
When I watch her it's like heaven moving.
Something happens to me, to you.
Something happens, sometimes you dance.
And how you move.
Holding my staring gaze.
You have me captivated.
You have me moved!

May 11/13


My future, my dream, Now!

Location:Wentworth St,Winnipeg,Canada

I Gave Up On You

A year ago I held you in my arms and told you
Everything will be alright.
Months later they were.
As time went on friendship become distant.
Words shared became less.
I saw you not being yourself anymore.
Things are different.
You became selfish and out of control.
I didn't know you anymore.
It makes me sad to lose a friend.
But I can't stand by and watch you
Push yourself over an edge.
I let go, and I tried not to care.
I stand here and I watch you fall.
A slow painful thing to watch.
As time moved forward I realized
That less and less People are around.
Time has stolen everyone away.
Where did everyone go?

May 3/13

Rain!

What alerted me to the rain was the tiny
Pounding against my windows.
Disbelief let me ignore it.
Then I heard the unmistakeable sounds of cars
Driving in water.
Dreaded rain, go away,
Let us have some warm sunny spring.
Drinking on the patio, go for safety meeting
Walks, and forget the crappy blue winter.
But it's still there. The rain.
Then it stops, more like hiding like a tiger
Ready to pounce.
Rain.
Baaaaa...

April 29/13

Location:Wentworth St,Winnipeg,Canada

Fragmented

Random, random are my thought's.
Speeding out of me in second's flat.
Ramble, ramble, I keep on frantically
Saying things to myself, sometimes in my
Head. Sometimes not.
It's like chasing an idea and getting in
Then in a split second it gone.
But doing that over and over.
Sometimes your able to stop it but
It feels normal to do it.
Trying to slow things down.
Sitting in a chair, by the windows
In my sunroom, with the sun shining
Down on me.
I feel the slow warmth and the embrace
Of light.
It dulls and subdues the speed demon in me.
Till the next time.

April 27/13

Location:Wentworth St,Winnipeg,Canada

An Answering Machine Message

I want you to understand something.
I can still feel your lips pressing against mine.
The soft tender lock we put ourselves in.
I can feel the warmth from our bodies.
When I hugged and kissed you good night at your door,
Then tucking you into bed.
Leaving you with the thought, the idea.
Call me . . .

April 15/13

A Beats Ramble

Again so far away.
But closer than is seems.
Reaching out and taking in.
Again so far away.
Some Beat Generation jazz
Playing on the radio.
Driving across town meeting a friend.
Hooking me up with some highway smokes.
And distraction.
His sister needed a ride.
Her excuse to try to get me to park
By the river so we can make out again.
Lovely girl, great breast and eyes.
Both I could get trapped in.
Yet again so far away.
Later after our little show and tell.
I run into a friend.
Confused as they were I leave him talking
To the passing birds in the park.
I finally make it to the other end of town.
But I had forgot where I was going.
Oh well, guess I'll pass the time.

April 15/13

The ginger in the yellow boots

The ginger in the yellow boots
Trudges though the springs melting
Snow.
Mucky it seems.
Where did she go?
Escape my sight.
Oh well.
Be well ginger with the yellow boots.
Where ever you are. . .

Mar 29/13

Location:Mandatiotium

Fucking Daisy's

Out the side bedroom window!
Frantically avoiding to be seen!
Over the bushes, behind the wood pile.
Somewhere in the shadows.
I escape too!
I think to myself,
Fucking Daisy!

Mar 26/13

Location:Mandatiorum

Composer

I see myself dancing on the edge a few times.

In the past little while I feel emotionally frayed.

Frustrations and freak outs are common.

For some reason I feel I can't understand what someone

Is saying to me.

Words start coming from them, after a while it

Becomes mindless, empty chatter.

And I hear only a few words.

but I smile and nod so they can see I'm listening.

How do you say to someone, "please explain that again, I did not understand what it is you said."

It's embarrassing.

That which you hold so high in respect, craft, and skill.

Is failing you.

It feels like your going insane.

You pull back, you say less.

I closes my eyes and try to form

My thoughts.

Try and not get frustrated. It won't help things.

Listen to what they say and take your time.

It's not a race.

And breathe.

Relax. . .

March 18 & 20/13

I Tried To Bury You

In the sand I bury you.

To the ankles, it sort of tickles you.

But the idea sort of grew.

And I knew what I had to do.

From the ankles, sand in shoes.

I went higher, above the socks,

It's getting hard to move.

Then in sight, I saw mom and dad.

The asked, what I was doing?

I was playing archaeologist.

I needed someone to unburied.

We laughed and laughed.

Smarts saves the day.

Mar 08/13

Nobody Is Listening

I turned off my chat on my computer.

I stopped posting witty thought's

And ideas on these websites I visit.

I turn off my phone,I didn't get calls

Or text messages anyways so it didn't mattered.

My house ringer is still on but who has that number.

Email ill check at work or the random pop in on the net.

I realize I'm not interesting to talk to anymore.

But who cares right?

I guess?

Time to step back.

Move away from the edge.

Nothing to see here.

Time to unplug and enjoy something,

Real. . .

Mar 05/13

Abandon Your Thoughts

Abandon your thoughts!

Free yourself from the burden that plagues you

It has been for your pursuit of reason

That your life has been nothing but hardships

And sorrows.

Abandon your thoughts and free yourself!

Breathe the free air.

Enjoy and relax.

March 2/13

Writer's Block

Today, it's like any other day.

Today, is, a beginning or is a end.

But today isn't yesterday. But somehow is like

Yesterday but with new people and places.

So what's new?

Nothing.

Just hanging out, bored.

I want to read but I can't read cause I can't focus

On the book.

I just want to do something else.

But the sad thing is I don't know what?

You I sit here and I stare blank less at this

Pad and think, "ok, I'm going to write something 

that's going to blow Shakespheres mind!!"

I don't, I just sit there staring off into oblivion.

Sometimes it's so frustrating.

Feb 28/13

Hard To Get

I tilt my head back and stare at the ceiling.

I see the boards in the ceiling, plants hang,

A fan with light not on.

There is a noise coming from outside.

They can't see in.

You sit on my lap.

Your hand on my shoulder.

Then moving your hand across my chest.

You move towards me.

Closer and closer.

Until you can press your hungering lips against my neck.

Your excited.

You want more.

I can tell.

The sounds of cars going by and

A group of people talking about anything.

And me with my head tilted back and with

A smile on my face.

Feb 26/13

I sent you a message

I send you a message.

It goes un-replied too.

For those words time has stopped.

It waits until someone reads it.

It's usually deleted.

I wish I could say more but I can't.

I'll send another message later.

Feb 25/13

Cell Phone Blues

I reach for my cell and I try to think of who

To call and talk to?

Up and down my list and who should I call?

Maybe someone is online that I could talk

To instead.

Looking, looking, hoping, no.

I look at my cell thinking maybe I hadn't

Responded back to a text that I had missed

No new text.

Limbo it seems.

Feb 09/13

Dilemma

I awake to the sounds of feet  rustling at the end of the bed.

First the rustling then the slow inching of your feet towards me.

There isn't any escape.

There isn't any moving, I was here first.

I deal with this for a few more minutes till I get put off.

I stretch. I look around this dark, lightless room.

I get up out of the bed, stop for a second to make sure I'm awake.

I check the kitchen for some food but nothing I can see.

I sit there trying to decide what to do.

To heck with it, I'm going back to bed. Someone will be up later.

Feb 3/13

La Lune

Dashed away with a wisp of clouds
Sullen dark nightly
There dangling in the heavens
My muse, my all
La lune.

Jan 16/13

No up or down

Stumbling on this thought

Trying to make sure these words

Say what they need to say.

I found myself empty.

No fuel, no go, nothing.

I remove myself from that which

I felt was holding me back.

Holding me down.

Holding me.

I loose myself in these thoughts

From yesteryear.

I keep hearing "how was it?", "that was

A crazy time in the world."

I'm trying to yet understand what I was

Doing.

I went to some stuff, been to some places,

Did a bunch of this, it was f*ucked up,

I was F*cked up. Everything was F*ucked up.

Sometimes it's so hard to remember things,

But then I remember some beautiful and wonderful

Things and place and people and I can almost reach out

And feel them holding me. Yes it makes me cry thinking about it.

How deep the feelings are when I think about my past.

Which I try so hard to run away from. I can never get away from.

I can play stupid and pretend to be, and know nothing.

Sometimes it's better to be quiet and watch the show.

The seats are always good.
The character change so often that it's hard to keep track of but it's good.

Some reoccurring players and some I love.

Full of sex, drama, excitement, passion,

Sadness and more sex.

There are other things there as well but you

Get the picture.

Jan 8/13

Fantastic

You lean in to give me a kiss

Tippy Toes, eyes closed soft tender lips.

I had thought about what this would be like?

I had no idea.

It was quick and I enjoyed it.

I felt I was in shock from the surprise of it.

I had wished it was longer.

Did I do it right

I wished I had another chance.

She looked at me and smiled

She leaned in again and gave me an open

Mouth kiss.

Oh I was lost from the first one.

I don’t know if I was drunk off the wine or

Those kisses.

They linger in my thoughts.

And I still feel her lips on mine.

I love kisses.

Jan 7/13